I’ve been desperate to catch up on my sleep ever since. I know. It doesn’t work that way. But still, I’m trying. I’m going to bed much earlier than is normal for me and still feeling quite tired throughout the day. I’m obviously not as young as I think I am.

Work is not helping me here. It suddenly exploded for me. It’s good. I much prefer being busy — even insanely busy — than idle. I hate being idle at work. Hate. It. So this is good. Just quite tiring. I’m glad I’ve got a bit of a break with school — but also wondering how I’m going to balance everything when we get into September, our busiest month at work, and at the same time start a new class.

Both my classes ended Saturday and now I’m just waiting to hear if I passed. With my next class not until  Sep 5th, I’ve had my evenings free for the first time in almost a year (when I started back to school). I gotta tell ya, it’s really odd to not have to spend my entire evening studying. Very nice, don’t get me wrong! I’m loving it. But it is odd. I feel like I ought to be studying something.

I’ve spent my weeknights staying off the Internet and away from the TV (for the most part). Instead I’m reading books I’ve been trying to get through for months: Abba’s Child, TrueFaced and No Stones. All powerful, challenging books that make you think, evaluate, wrestle and dig deep. So to balance them out and give me a little fun reading, I’ve started to re-read the Harry Potter series from the beginning. It’s been probably been since 2002 since I read them all. Goodness I’d forgotten a lot of details!

I’m also spending time just breathing. I’ve gotten into yoga lately and a large part of it is breathing deep and focusing on your breathing as you stretch and strengthen. And emailing a friend the meditation exercises I’ve learned to do — deep breathing, relaxing and meditating on the names and attributes of God — reminded me that I need to do that more. So I have.

It’s amazing how quickly I forget how to breathe. I really do. Oh, I inhale and exhale. But I don’t really breathe; those deep inhalations and exhalations that cleanse and relax and calm the soul. Today during yoga I was amazed to discover that even during the course of the class my body forgot how to breathe deep. I got distracted and forgot to keep my deep rhythmic breathing, which I’d managed to get up to a 5-count inhale and exhale on each. When I realized I wasn’t breathing deeply, I went back to it only to discover I had to start over at a 3-count and work my way back  up to 5.

I wonder if that happens in spiritual things too; if perhaps it takes our spirits a while to work back up to our 5-counts when we lose our focus.

But when you get it back, when your body says, "oh yeah. Now I remember this!" And suddenly takes a big gulp of air and then moves easily into a 5-count, it is A-mazing! The whole body starts to relax and shift into its proper place. Your back straightens, your shoulders go back, your arms and hands (and jaw!) relax; all your muscles let go of the tension they’ve been holding so the body can put all the energy into whatever movement you are doing at that moment. Simply amazing to experience. I didn’t know my body could do that on its own.

I wonder if that happens in spiritual things too.

I gotta go. I want to read and just breathe.