But there are some mornings that for whatever reason, I come fully awake. Today is one of those days.

Perhaps it was the Starbucks vente chai I treated myself to. Perhaps it was the music I listened to on my way to work. Perhaps.

Perhaps it was the explorations I made into my childhood "stuff" and the discoveries I made last night. Enlightenment at 2am. It was a beautiful and precious moment.

Perhaps it was that I went to sleep on that enlightenment.

I am not who I always believed I was; that negative image who I was convinced everyone else, especially my family, saw as me. I am not that person. I never really was. I just allowed myself to be put in that role and live out that premise.

That was a very freeing realization. It feels like I’m finally awake. For the first time in my life.

Good morning, Jesus.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
       when I was made in the secret place.
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
       How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,
       they would outnumber the grains of sand.
       When I awake,
       I am still with you.  — Psalm 139:14-18