"One of the joys of a firstborn child is all the firsts that the parents get to experience. Most of these firsts revolve around bodily functions. First green-black-tar poop. First brown poop. First triple-scoop soft-serve poop. First orange poop. First yellow poop. First liquid poop. First projectile poop that hits the wall six feet away. First pee onto baby’s chin. First spitup, pee and poop at the same exact moment. First Dad fart that could be blamed on baby. It’s all a joy and brings laughter to everybody present. It’s a universal truth that fart sounds never cease to be funny. Who would want to miss these baby firsts? Not me!"

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