I feel like an American Idol reject.

You know, those people who can’t sing a note in tune to save their lives, and you wonder why in the world they subjected themselves to such humiliation — and others to such auditory agony.

Then, after Simon’s ripped them apart — and even sweet Paula’s shaking her head in utter disbelief that anyone could sound so wretched — they come out of the audition room in complete disbelief and devastation, all the while saying, "but everyone has told me all my life I’m so good at it!"

All my life people have told me I’m so good at a particular thing. Tonight a professional told me I’m not good at it "at all". I came away feeling just as devastated as an those Idol rejects. And it’s not like its something you can "get better" at. You  either have the talent to do it, or you don’t. And, apparently, I don’t.

I’m getting really tired of my dreams being squashed like bugs under God’s unyielding feet. Why won’t He just tell me what I’m made for, instead of letting me go through these painful exercises in futile vulnerability?